Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
