Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
