you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
