i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
