I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
