I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
