Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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