I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
