I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
