his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
