My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
