then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
