If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
