I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
