Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
