I puked a lego.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
