My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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