Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
