omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
