so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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