A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
