I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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