There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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