Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
