My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
