yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
