i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
