I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
