Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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