he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
