I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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