My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
