Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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