After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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