I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
