quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
