1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
