considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
