If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
