The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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