Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
