If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
