Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
