I wish I only lived at night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
