But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
is it fun? or sober?
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