woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
