Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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