He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
