those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
