I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
