It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
