The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
